After playing most of my golf in Southern California it took some
amount of time playing in Thailand before I quit asking myself, "What's going on here?" At first it was the fact that on week days our twosome or foursome might have several open holes ahead and behind us. I finally got used to that, or maybe spoiled is the better description.
The next enigma was the caddy. I had never played with a caddy, but had always thought of caddies as strapping young men. So I felt a bit guilty about this mere slip of a lass lugging my bag around kilometers of hilly terrain in 34 degree heat. They were covered from head to toe and even had the caddies' version of a ski mask. Only an eye here and there might be showing. Or was it to suppress their giggles? So I wondered if they could last the full 18 holes, or if heat stroke would set in and they might expire somewhere far from the clubhouse, stranding me with a heavy golf bag, a dead caddy and no water.
A number of these young women are relatively worthless at keeping track of balls in flight, spending those few important seconds of a golfer's very life counting her precious tees. For a good caddy always has a tee. I saw at least one that was surely 20 years old, paint worn off and dings about, but never to be discarded. Meanwhile your ball had taken a hop into a stand of elephant grass and when you inquire of dear caddy, she mere presents you with a cherubic smile and a blank stare that says, "Well, you're the one who hit it."
On the other hand, many of are keen of eye and have the genes of a homing pigeon. They will walk straight to a ball you had been sure was lost. As you approach she will be standing guard, the proper club in hand for your next shot and a look of professional triumph on her face. That is probably when you will first notice the eye shadow and blush that she has deftly applied back in the caddy shack.
And if you are fortunate enough to get one of these pros, use the club she offers. It takes the good ones only a couple of holes to hone in on your game. If she offers two clubs, she is actually giving you a choice. Refusing both clubs to select another may incur a quiet form of wrath that you may not notice until you have missed three putts in a row.
Because the good ones also know the pin placements and greens. If she holds up an extended palm and marks the wrist, that putt will break six inches. Figuring out which way is the problem unless you have a Ph.D. in international sign language. If you have done you job as she so competently instructed, you will be rewarded with a look of satisfaction and a short nod.
At this point you should learn what a few Thai phrases mean. Not that you will be using them, but because you will be hearing one pair or the other. Word pair one is tok sai and tok nahm which mean, respectively, that your ball "fell in the sand" or "fell in the water". These phrases are uttered with a combination of disappointment, drama and sympathy.
Because if the members of your group have decent personalities, each caddy will identify with her golfer. Then there develops an innocent and fun competition among the caddies as to who has the better golfer. Which brings us to the second set set of Thai phrases. Bur-DEE! is pretty self explanatory and often semi shouted as a victory chant. Now you get big grins, see some body language among the caddies and for once in the conversations, albeit briefly, they stop discussing food or money.
